ABSTRACT
In Chapter 4 we explore how couples communicate and offer options to change their conversations. Often one or both partners become too dysregulated to speak or listen effectively. Since remembering childhood injury together generally evokes empathy, we illustrate how to help the couple unblend and become curious about the ways in which a partner’s behavior in the present relates to the past. As the reader will see, this task can go easily or not. If not, the therapist must bring genuine kindness and curiosity as well as providing firm direction in the project of helping the couple regulate and be available to each other. Success supports them in finding common ground so they can express more love and care, which in turn reinforces skillful communicating.
