ABSTRACT
Miscarriage or the "inability to carry a pregnancy to term" is often experienced as a "silent sorrow" for many couples. Miscarriage accounts for 95 percent of all early losses up to twenty weeks gestation (Glazer, 1997). Couples experiencing one or more early miscarriages (within the first trimester) often have emotional experiences that include anger, blame, a sense of loss of control, and feelings of helplessness (Cooper-Hilbert, 2001; Diamond, Kezur, Meyers, Scharf, & Weinshel, 1999; Glazer, 1997). They also report symptoms of anxiety, depression, and guilt (Diamond et aI., 1999; Glazer, 1997). A miscarriage experience is often unacknowledged by family and friends when they fail to recognize the profound emptiness that is left behind. When a couple loses a child early in their pregnancy, they are faced with grieving the future of their baby and their family together. In an instant, their hopes and dreams of having a child are shattered. Couples may find themselves in a revolving dynamic of blame in addition to having difficulty resolving their intense feelings of loss. For example, one couple reported that after their second early miscarriage, they withdrew from each other, becoming more isolated as each day passed. "It was too painful to talk about; we were devastated and angry at God and every other couple we knew who had a baby. Why us? I blamed my husband; I blamed myself. We both felt we were being punished. Why didn't our genetics make a baby?" Another couple reports, "It was our first baby; we were heartbroken. The more I cried, the more my husband withdrew. He wanted to forget, and I wanted to remember. Finally, we stopped talking altogether." Like these examples, couples often find themselves stuck in their grief and unable to move on in their life. Couples need recognition and validation for their losses and a way to say good-bye to their dream of having this particular baby (Scharf & Weinshel, 2000). "Couples need to be helped to mourn" (Scharf & Weinshel, 2000, p. 110). Avoiding the grieving process can paralyze a couple's ability to communicate effectively, problem solve, and reengage in sexual intimacy and enjoyment. They may also begin to feel disconnected (Glazer, 1997) and withdraw from family and friends. On an individual level, some partners experience symptoms of anxiety and/or depression. Thus the impact of early pregnancy loss (especially multiple losses) profoundly affects couples' relationships.
