ABSTRACT
Many couples, concerned about the damaging effects of frequent arguments on their relationship, come into therapy to improve their communication skills. Depending upon their unique experiences' couples usually enter therapy with their own ideologies and discourses about relationships. Similarly, depending on their unique experiences and professional training, therapists also have ideologies and discourses about relationships. Most professional ideologies and therapeutic discourses have specific ideas about the causes of relationship problems and their proper treatment. However, treatment difficulties may arise when these professional ideologies and therapeutic discourses marginalize the couple's voices and undermine the collaboration between the therapist and couple. Although the intended effect of these professional ideologies and discourses is to improve the couple's relationship, we have frequently found that as these professional ideologies/discourses (e.g., "I" statements, communication exercises, time-outs) are introduced into therapy, many couples become frustrated. They frequently tell us that it is hard for them to consistently practice and perform the therapeutic ideology, especially when an issue is heated. Consequently, their frustration with each other, combined with a sense of failure over not mastering the therapeutic ideology, often leads to more frequent and desperate arguments. The purpose of this chapter is to present a way of working with couples as a co-author rather than working on them as an expert. To accomplish this, a metaphor (i.e., communication as an art form) is constructed that encourages collaboration between the therapist and couple by inviting them to participate in developing their own unique way of communicating.
