ABSTRACT
We tend to imagine that we are responsible for the fact that we have our sexual patterns. Our core belief probably holds this in place and persuades us that this is the case. You might say that this is another cognitive distortion. The reality is that no one is responsible for having a pattern of desire, even if it is quirky. It was set up in the family of origin and emerges from our distinctive childhood experiences. This is not to say that you are not responsible about how you manage it or how you come to terms with it; it does not absolve you from living with it in a responsible and properly controlled manner. Nobody would actually choose a pattern of sexual behaviour that would cause a multitude of problems, whether it is acting out in saunas, having sex in public venues, using the services of sex workers or endless nights looking at internet pornography. You might do any one of these, or all of them, but you did not ask for the behaviour or the desire to do it. It was set up and you have inherited it as a legacy of your developmental history. However, human beings are more than their developmental history and have a responsibility to act according to the higher order values of responsibility, respect, honesty and integrity.
