This chapter presents a first step in trying to figure out how to fill the gap in Christian theology left by the falsity of substance dualist metaphysics and The Intermediate State. So, this begins the positive investigation into what sort of metaphysical conception of human persons best accords with the three theological affirmations TA1–TA3. In this chapter, the author turns to a more philosophical approach, proper for investigating metaphysical claims. This is done to analyze three popular accounts whereby Christian physicalists—i.e., Christian thinkers who deny substance dualism and think that human beings just are material things—try and provide a way to affirm the possibility of bodily resurrection (i.e., account for TA1 and TA3). In particular, the chapter surveys and finds wanting Peter van Inwagen’s “Simulacrum Thesis,” Dean Zimmerman’s “Falling Elevator Model” (and varieties thereof, e.g., Kevin Corcoran), and Trenton Merrick’s “Anti-Criterialism.” All of these views are found metaphysically and theologically deficient.