Among the most diffi cult affect states parents of older children and adolescents confront are ruthlessness and hate. It’s often hard to manage the intensity of the child’s distress and one’s own reaction without retaliating. Holding thus presents a double challenge: the parent must meet and accept the child’s emotional state while creating a resilient, non-punitive container that withstands assault. The same is true of work with ruthless and hateful borderline patients (see McWilliams, 2011). While at times it’s easy to empathize with a patient’s anger or demandingness, at others the patient’s negativity may feel puzzling, provocative, and not easily repaired.