ABSTRACT
Couples do not marry to become better at managing conflicts, but because of the pleasures they experience during courtship-pleasures they hope will
continue going forward. There are other aims, to be sure-financial stability, procreation, social identity-but, by and large, couples will remain happy only to the extent that they continue to enjoy each other’s company. Losing the pleasures of being together is not only unpleasant, but actually dangerous, since Gottman and Levenson (1999) found “drifting apart” to be a more common contributing cause of divorce (60%) than intense fighting (40%).1 While many “devitalized” or “burned out” couples do not divorce, they remain unhappily married, leading lonely parallel lives, at risk for divorce when their children leave home.
