ABSTRACT
A former student brought a man newly arrived in the United States from Timor-Leste to visit me. Because I pay attention to the news, I was certain that he had many losses resulting from the genocide carried out by the Indonesian government against his people. I was sure he knew that the U.S. government, my government, armed and trained the Indonesian military and gave the go ahead to carry out the genocide. I think my first words to the man were, “Oh, Timor-Leste, I am so sorry that you have had to deal with what you have had to deal with.” He reacted with words of rage and pain, with a message something like, “Your words mean nothing. What does it mean to say you are sorry? You cannot possibly know what happened and what I have lost.” And we never got past that. After two minutes he had had enough of me, and he left. Working in a university and living in a metropolitan area that draws diverse people from around the world, including many people with losses that are entangled in social justice issues, I have had many encounters in which whatever I did in interacting with diverse others who had experienced loss went well enough. I had many interactions with that former student about her own losses entangled in social justice issues, and I thought our history together was why she brought the man from Timor-Leste to visit me. However, interacting with bereaved people from other cultures whose losses are entangled in social justice issues is always challenging. And as my experience with the man from Timor-Leste indicates, even with the best of intentions one can put someone off or offend them. This essay draws on what I think I know about interacting with and understanding people who have experienced losses entangled with issues of social justice and culture. However, as with my encounter with the man from Timor-Leste indicates, I have no magic that guarantees that interactions will go well.
