ABSTRACT
As all crises are, being struck by postpartum depression was an incredible life-changing experience. It was a turning point not only in my personal life, but also professionally as a clinician. The Greek root of the word crisis means “to sift.” And sifting I have done. To come eye to eye with your own insanity is both completely terrifying and a true gift as a clinician. What we do not yet know about ourselves, what we have not yet experienced and processed in our own psychology, is where our biggest clinical blocks lie. These are the possible pitfalls of being in clinical practice and mistakenly feeling settled in yourself. I feel honored and humbled—and no small measure of trepidation—to share my experience. But I truly believe it is vitally important as clinicians to honor our experience as vulnerable and visceral as it can be. We owe it to ourselves, our patients, our profession to stay authentic and low to the ground, avoiding the hazards of grandiosity as we practice. We can all drift into feeling like we are protected from things our patients experience: confusing painful relationships, anger and rage, the difficulties of parenting, divorce, violent acts, trauma, and mental illness. We have an illusion that we are somehow much more prepared for life’s difficulties, or will somehow be able to take a pass and avoid them; that because we have “done our work” and may intellectually and emotionally understand more about the mental sphere than a non-clinician, that we then are more in control of our lives, our psyches. We, of course, are not aware when we are in this protected illusion, and so whenever we sense that we have entered an illusion, what a useful time to stop and look inward!
