Being a member of a couple is central to the lives of many people who seek our help, whether for therapy as an individual, in a group, or in couple or family therapy. The theory of couple dynamics provides the base, and our own experience of the unique unconscious dynamics of each individual and each couple yields the specifics needed to conceptualise problems and approach solutions in any treatment modality. The pressure of trying to express ourselves clearly and helpfully about couples’ problems through therapeutic interventions sharpens our thinking, both in the office with a couple, in videoconference teaching sessions, and at the computer writing about our work.