I had the misfortune to have a mental breakdown three years ago and, as part of that healing process, discovered that my service and my cousin’s services to the United States were full of soul-rendering terror. . . . There is nothing honorable in killing. Nothing is as horrible as the inner soul-rendering scream that comes with the first time.Then the numbness comes to silence it. Numbness is a narcotic to the soul. Numbness takes over your life and has a death grip on you until (or if) you finally reach a point of total security by being home among family and friends.There is nothing to glorify what we do in war.1